Coping Mechanisms
Originally posted on January 29, 2023
(We’re going to pretend like those typos weren’t there when I initially published this, yeah? Yeah. LOL)
Coping Mechanisms
Now I understand why ladies of the ton would spend entire seasons in the country to cure their nerves, treat malaise. It becomes too much, they must escape.
The modern day version is a far cry from weeks by the sea; taking a mental health day, an extra coffee break.
It's listening to rain sounds at night, hypnotherapy playlists during slumber, a gentle voice murmuring positive affirmations,
Waking ten minutes before your alarm goes off and lamenting the sleep you could have had
A case of Mondays, you say, in Friday's meeting
Dark humor memes sent to all of your friends, so funny, so relatable.
The folder in your phone is full and takes too long. "I have the perfect meme for that," as you share the struggle of the millennial's reality. Get the kids to their schools, establish routine, "Did you brush your teeth? No, you cannot just skip that-- please go back inside."
Your phone has notifications, unlock the phone; two replies, a caring emoji. Serotonin released in tiny bursts from every ping you hear and see. Is it enough? Are you still bored? Did you procrastinate too long and now you're behind?
Maybe it could be okay, to spend an hour in the shower, the whales be damned. Open the window.
Leave the curtain hanging free, to let the breeze blow through your hair, then close your eyes. Imagine
Yourself, in another time or place, spending weeks by the sea, to cure your nerves. (January 29, 2023) I’ve been trying to find a way to convey how I’ve been feeling without coming across as “too much” and it’s then that I realize that catering to the tastes and palates of visitors unseen is not how I can be authentic to myself.
“Too much” is not a phrase that should be in one’s daily vocabulary. No one is ever too much. I am enough and so are you, and when you decide to say “screw it, let’s see what comes out” - the result can take you by surprise. That’s the way I’ve decided to proceed, unfiltered, taking myself by surprise. 🌸
It’s been almost two years, and I’d love to be able to say that I was able to keep this revelation in mind: that I am enough and never “too much.” Healing is not linear, as they say. Both 2023 and 2024 have had their highs and their lows, but something that hasn’t changed is the ever-present yearning to be close to the sea, to cure my nerves.
Living in the desert makes it hard to get out to see the waves, regardless of having family along the shores of the Pacific. I always settle for playing make-believe when I take a shower, which isn’t all that terrible when you have water pressure and a hot water heater that matches my need to contemplate my existence as I shave my legs. The only bathtub in the house is in the kids’ bathroom, so that’s a no-go. What I wouldn’t give for a real tub to soak in...
I don’t have any thought-provoking words of wisdom to share, but that might be because I’ve spent the day rearranging the furniture in my bedroom so that I can welcome the new year with new energy. Frankly, I’m exhausted. Looks like it’s time to hop in the shower, soak these tired muscles (or lack thereof), and go to bed like the old lady I am.
Healing isn’t linear, but that’s okay. There were many times I felt like I was too much, and some of those times were confirmed by various people who were in my life. They’re not around anymore, and I’ve gotten a lot better at giving myself some grace. I’m not perfect, but I’m not meant to be.